The Complete Lawyer

In her 1969 groundbreaking book On Death and Dying, Swiss physician Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the seven sequential emotional responses (the “Grief Cycle”) following the death of a loved one: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Kubler-Ross also described how most people get stuck in one phase, most often denial.

Subsequent research suggests that other emotional shocks can set the Grief Cycle into motion. Take, for example, today’s economic crisis. Many of my Thriving Beyond Midlife friends are grieving the loss of irreplaceable dollars in what has become their “201(K)” retirement account. We’ve witnessed the economic dominoes cascading from the decline in the stock market—the transformation of Wall Street, the disappearance of investment banking, paralysis within the capital markets, and revelations of thievery on a truly global scale by a highly regarded investment maven who “made off” (pardon the pun) with more than $50 billion dollars of investor wealth. Individuals and charity clients are feeling the repercussions months after the shocking revelations.

Hopefully it’s only the economy that has made off with so much value from your investment accounts. If you’re not stuck somewhere between shock and depression, you’re either not paying attention, you’re in denial, or you’ve been stranded on a desert island for the last year without a BlackBerry!

Reducing Stress Will Maintain Emotional Balance And Physical Health

Beyond the personal loss associated with this economic crisis, we’re probably all experiencing unparalleled stress levels. Stress, as we know, suppresses the immune system and is a major contributor to many physical manifestations such as heart disease and cancer. It can also prompt emotional responses leading to mild or even debilitating depression.

Since we can’t do anything about these external stressors—at least in the short term—what can we do to mitigate the physical and emotional consequences and maintain balance and health? The following 14-step process may help. It’s derived from “De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times,” a free booklet you can download.

Follow A Fourteen-Step Plan To Manage Stress

1. Communicate and interact with others. Malcolm Gladwell’s recently published book Outliers describes a Pennsylvania community of Italian immigrants whose incidence of heart disease (and, as it turned out, other major illness) was significantly below the average in mid-1950s America. Researchers naturally assumed nutrition, water, or possibly genetic or environmental factors were the reason. But the carefully developed data showed the only definable distinction to explain the difference in disease statistics was the high level of community cohesiveness and social interaction that this tightly knit group of immigrants had brought with them from their southern Italian medieval city of Roseto Valfortore. This type of social connection is rare, especially in large cities; also, the lack of sufficient social systems for health and retirement care leaves most Americans emotionally unsupported and financially (and physically) vulnerable. The De-Stress Kit points out ” . . . collective cooperation of a group can increase intuitive guidance and effective solutions for the problems at hand. When people are in their hearts, and not just their minds, the collective energy helps to lift the individual spirit which releases stress buildup and anxiety overload.” (Note: all subsequent quotes are from the De-Stress Kit.)

2. Re-open the heart feeling. The mind is good at solving problems; it also can hold on to and intensify our stress stages so much so that we forget to use our other major organ: our hearts. At least metaphorically, our hearts help to balance the vicious cycle our minds can create, primarily through “heart connections” with other people. Remember the good feeling you get when you share an act of kindness with another and realize that you can so easily bring joy? That’s your metaphorical heart in action. “Research has shown that care and compassion release neurochemicals that help balance and restore your system. Worry and uncertainty increase stress, even when you feel that you have good reasons to worry. Much of this type of stress can be reduced by caring for and interacting with people more.”

3. Practice appreciation and gratitude. I’ve gotten into the habit of taking a moment to be thankful: for our 19 year-old “kitty” who has taken a licking (deaf, blind, and lame) but keeps on ticking and seeks only to cuddle and share his spirit of survival; for my wife who—after 38 years of marriage—continues to renew my annual contract; for children and grandchildren who give joy to our lives. “When low in spirit, the practice of appreciation and gratitude has proven to help people reconnect with their spirit of hope and the heart initiative to take progressive steps.”

4. Decrease drama. It’s easy to slip into a dramatic mode; it works in story telling, and can be very useful in closing arguments at trial. But dramatizing our stress gives it even more “reality” than it deserves, sustaining and amplifying the serious physical and emotional damage that it can create. “When you catch your inner dialogue looping with excessive worry or fearful projections, or when in conversations with others that constantly dramatize the downside of things, gently tell yourself: ‘That’s not helping to change something that’s already done; it can only make it worse.’ Then, make a genuine attempt to realign your thoughts, feelings and conversations with ideas that support your needs and action plans. Accept that you may not be able to stop all the internal drama loops and anxiety at this point. But, you can effectively reduce your energy drain and offset your stress deficit with this exercise.”

5. Manage your reactions to the news. After the first presidential debate I realized that I was angry and upset, and that if I was to sustain this level of stress throughout the remaining months of the campaign, I was going to be an emotional (if not physical) wreck. So I stopped reading about the campaign. I watched none of the remaining debates. I had no idea what was funny about Tina Fey and her impersonation of Sarah Palin. And my stress level was much lower! While it’s important to be informed of outside events, we need to recognize that the media gives disproportionate attention to negative events and not reality. Being neutral (or at least selective in our attention) helps us achieve balance and limits the avalanche of things about which we could become stressed.