Is It Time For My Parents To Relocate?

If you’re thinking about whether your parents would be better off if they lived closer to you, your musings were probably triggered by something specific. You may have noticed during a recent visit that your parents were having a tough time getting around. One of them may have fallen and had to move to a rehabilitation facility.

If they lived nearby, would they be safer? Most likely, you could visit them more regularly, keep an eye on their finances, and respond more quickly in case of an emergency. Would this comfort them? Would it comfort you? Would it make your own life easier or more difficult?

Deciding what to do can be wrenching. You need to consider both practical issues—such as whether your parents have the financial assets to relocate, where they would move, and how much time you can devote to them once they are nearby—as well as emotional issues: what impact will moving have on them? What changes will it bring to your own family? You also have to answer the most salient question of all: Do they want to move? Is such a move in their best interest?

Figure Out Finances

Understanding your parents’ financial situation is extremely important and potentially difficult. You need to be aware of their assets and living expenses, as well as the market value of their home should they need to sell it. Housing costs for independent living and assisted living vary tremendously in different parts of the country: while $4,000 of disposable income may be more than sufficient to cover the cost of assisted living in one part of the country, that same income may not even meet the base rent of a comparable facility in the northeast or on the west coast.

The ideal time to consider long-term care is when parents are healthy and want to move closer to their children. In this best-case scenario, they will be able to finance their long-term care needs primarily from their assets and the proceeds from the sale of the family home. You have to think ahead and plan judiciously so that they don’t outlive their funds.

Determine What Services Are Available

The level of services for the elderly varies greatly from state to state. Too often, parents are surprised to discover that they have moved from a service-rich area to one that isn’t. However, if your parents currently reside in a very rural area, having them move to a metropolitan area could provide them with many more supportive services than they’re used to. If your parents are dependent upon subsidized services or eligible for Medicaid because of their income, you need to know whether they will still qualify for Medicaid in their new home. Research the availability of Medicaid beds in your state as well as the process for enrolling your parents in Medicare or a nursing home before moving them. The new state may require that you disenroll them from Medicaid in their current state before the new application can be processed, which could have devastating consequences if there is a two- to three-year wait list for an opening.

Ask Yourself: What’s Best For Them?

Before suggesting to your parents that they move to your area, do some soul-searching. Whether your parents plan on moving into your home or across town, try to anticipate what you will expect of yourself, your spouse and your children. What impact will the move have on your privacy and your parent’s privacy? What care will they expect you to provide? At what point will your parents need to transition to a facility? How often would you be able to visit them in this facility? They may take it for granted, for example, that you’ll visit every day: after all, they’ve given up everything that’s familiar in order to move closer to you. They think they’ve made your life easier. Yet you know that you have the same schedule and responsibilities as you did before, only now the list includes caring for your parents. It’s important to try to view the situation from their perspective as well as your own.

Moves are stressful on everyone but they can be particularly stressful on older adults. Being aware of expectations and anticipating problems can make a difficult transition more successful.

My Parents Don’t Want To Move—What Now?

All of us make decisions we live to regret. We all have the right to make these misguided decisions and to live with the results—even our elderly parents (as long as they are still mentally competent). No matter how fervently we argue in favor of our parents’ relocation, they may refuse. We need to respect their thought processes and decisions. To continue to offer support and to simply be there if they need us is sometimes the best gift that we can give to our aging parents.