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Whether your personal reference point is Atticus Finch, Perry Mason or Elle Woods, our culture holds a longstanding and deeply-ingrained belief that keen intellect, quick thinking, a passion for justice and a way with words are the defining traits of successful lawyers.
For those who pursue law as a profession, this popular perception gains momentum as you’re rewarded with top journal positions, coveted clerkships and high-paying jobs for outstanding performance in law school.
Once you start practicing, however, you quickly learn that the popular notion of “the successful lawyer” that you’ve come to embrace isn’t in sync with the reality of what it takes to survive and thrive in that role.
As I noted in the introductory article in this series on Critical Relationship Building Skills for Associates, while intelligence and sharp reasoning are baseline requirements, success in the law turns on the ability to cultivate healthy and lasting business relationships with:
• Prospects
• Clients
• Partners
• Team members
• Opposing counsel
Learn The Three Core Principles About Relationships
Despite the obvious importance of these business connections, most young lawyers concede that they don’t know how to create or maintain them. Fortunately, business relationship skills can be learned and sharpened over time by focusing on three core principles:
• Relationships are essential
• Relationships must be mutually energizing
• Relationships must accommodate feelings and meet needs
These three principles and their corresponding action points—or energized perspectives—anchor the signature learning system I devised to help young associates and law students bridge the skills gap between the backpack and the briefcase. What follows is an in-depth look at the first principle of the trio: Relationships are Essential.
Business Relationships Are Personal
Many people have a well-defined comfort zone when it comes to the subject of relationships. They have no problem admitting that we humans are inherently social creatures who need relationships to flourish in our personal lives. At the same time, they balk at the idea that relationships are essential to our business success.
Lawyers are particularly susceptible to this black-and-white thinking. They know that their professional future hinges on building a book of business, but they don’t see how relationships fit into their success strategy.
Their misperception is understandable. As author and consultant David Maister frames it, trained to reduce human issues to facts, laws, rules, rights and responsibilities, many lawyers tend to view the business interactions that sustain them as transactions rather than relationships.
But the truth is that most of our essential business interactions aren’t cold and empty transactions. They’re relationships with human beings who have fears, hopes, needs and challenges. Viewed in this way, our business relationships aren’t the dull and dry second-cousins of our personal relationships. Our business relationships are personal.
Practicing Law Is Based On Connecting With Others
This point is well made by Keith Ferrazzi, business consultant and best-selling author of Never Eat Alone. According to Ferrazzi, some common denominators of successful personal and business relationships include:
• Sincerity
• Generosity
• Emotionality
• Vulnerability
• Intimacy
As in our personal encounters, we can make real and valuable business connections when we “come as we are,” open up and share our passions, ideas, concerns and vulnerabilities with others. The connecting points forged through this kind of intimacy are the sturdiest building blocks of present and future business associations.
Reflect On Your Relationships To Improve Them
Having examined how and why relationships are essential to your business success, it’s important to start engaging the principle on a personal level to see how it plays out in your professional life.
You can do this by considering the following action point—or energized perspective—that corresponds to and refines the core principle that relationships are essential:
I know who is essential to my success and why. I put my energy into those important relationships. I arrange my priorities and goals accordingly.
Here’s a multi-part exercise to help you assess your relationships from this perspective. You’ll need to set aside some quiet time for reflection and writing. Please understand that this work takes some work. But if you give yourself fully to the process, you’ll quickly reap its benefits.
1. Identify a business relationship that has benefited you.
2. Identify a personal relationship that has benefited you.
• What are the qualities of each relationship?
• How do the qualities of the personal relationship match those of the business relationship?
3. How many people can you identify who currently support your success?
• List them.
• How often do you interact with them?
• Would you benefit from having more time with anyone on this list?
• What can you do to schedule more time with these people?
4. Identify up to three people who detract from your success.
• What are the qualities of these relationships?
• What can you do to either improve the dynamic or avoid it?
5. Now, take action. Contact one or more of your success supporters and invite them to dine or attend an event with you. In preparation for this one-on-one time, ask yourself:
• What would make my time with these supportive people more valuable?
• What strategies can I come up with to avoid small talk and make the best use of our time together?
Nurturing Relationships Is Good Business Practice
Earlier this year, the ABA Journal asked me to participate in its pilot lawyer coaching program. I was assigned to work with two lawyers. One had achieved a level of success in the public sector but felt that her career was stagnating.
In doing the above multi-part exercise, she quickly realized that her boss was undermining her success. Not only did he not respect her, but he was unfocussed, which drove her crazy. But her boss’s boss respected her, valued her work and was sharp and responsive.
Sensitive to the office politics, she didn’t want to undermine her boss. But she realized that if she didn’t take a proactive step, she would end up burning out and leaving her job.
She spoke to her boss about how his behavior undermined her success. He listened and promised to change, but he didn’t. She then told him that she was going to speak to his boss and ask for a transfer to another department. It was clear that they were not the right fit for each other. She ended up getting transferred and started working for her boss’s boss in a much better situation for everyone.
This is one example of how you can align yourself with those who support your success and avoid those who undermine it.
My coaching experience has also taught me that many lawyers fail to see that their relationships with clients can continue and flourish after, or between, times of engagement. It’s vital to build on the good will of a successful representation by maintaining client contact. I have my coaching clients commit to reaching out to past clients on a regular basis. Typically they experience a very positive response that, over a period of 3-12 months, often results in new business or referrals.
By keeping these points in mind and engaging in the exercise described above, you’ll build a pool of healthy and enduring business relationships. You’ll also feel more appreciated, valued and energized in your work.
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