The Complete Lawyer

Whenever I speak about networking, I define what it means to me. I’ve learned that the concept is not only misunderstood but has a negative connotation: Shoving as many business cards into people’s hands as you can while telling them all about yourself and your practice/area of expertise during a one-hour business/social mixer.

I define networking as “the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give-and-take, win/win relationships.” I emphasize the “give” part.

Encourage People To Know, Like And Trust You

If this sounds like Pollyanna-type thinking that doesn’t work in the real world, let me assure you: Giving works—both practically and spiritually.

According to what I call “The Golden Rule” of networking or rainmaking, “All things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those lawyers they know, like and trust.”

When we give to or do something for someone, we take an important step toward eliciting those “know, like and trust” feelings. The best way to get business and referrals is to first give business and referrals. When people know you care about them enough to send business their way, they feel great about you, and want to reciprocate.

Besides giving actual business, you can also give information that might help people with their businesses or their personal, social, or recreational lives. Perhaps you suggested or purchased a book for someone that you knew he or she would value. Maybe you put in a call to a personnel director on behalf of someone’s son or daughter who was looking for work.

Giving Works—Especially In The Real World

Here’s an example. I was in a local sales business and had been cultivating a relationship with an influential local franchisee whose direct business and referrals I very much desired. One day I read an article in the local newspaper that had some uncomplimentary words about the franchise at the corporate level.

I clipped the article and attached it to my personalized notecard on which I wrote, “While I don’t agree with the content of the article, I thought it was something you’d want to know about.”

He called the next day to thank me. Delighted that I cared enough to send it to him, he told me he planned to write a letter to the editor to refute the article’s contention.

Naturally, I didn’t get his business that day, but I did get it as soon as he determined that he needed my services. Because I showed him that I cared enough to help him, he was only too eager to entrust me with helping him. He also sent a huge number of referrals my way.

Here’s another example: Several years after I had begun speaking professionally, I was trying to land a corporate client with many divisions. Not only was I unable to get a foot in the door—I couldn’t find the door!

Around this time, at a speaker’s convention, I met a man—let’s call him Dan—and struck up a friendship with him and his family. Though I knew he was quite successful, I never asked him for anything.

I did, however, help him as much as I could. Several times, when I was already booked for an engagement on a certain date, I would refer him to the person from the company who had called me. I also encouraged the editors who published my articles to contact him. Everyone involved appreciated my efforts, and nothing I did took anything from me. That’s one of the great things about giving: It helps everyone and hurts no one.

And wouldn’t you know that a couple of years later, I found out through a third party that the client I had been unsuccessfully seeking was one of Dan’s major clients.

Now, I probably could have come right out and asked Dan for help but I didn’t feel that would be right. I didn’t want him to feel that because I had gone out of my way for him that he “owed” me anything. What felt comfortable, though, was asking him for his advice on how I might best initiate contact with this client and try to establish a relationship.

He simply said, “I’ll have the person who’s my main contact call you.” And he did. That client, together with all the spin-off engagements I’ve had with that company over the years, has accounted for several million dollars in sales.

That was neither the first nor the only time that giving first has literally paid big financial dividends. It’s the way I run my business; it’s the way I run my life. Giving first works.

Give Without Attachment

Remember, though, that you cannot give with an emotional demand to receive. If you give while thinking, “OK, what is he or she going to do for me?” you may well get something in return, but more than likely it will be a one-time something, done out of obligation. It will not inspire the “know you, like you, and trust you” feelings that cause others to want to see you succeed.

Give because it’s who you are, without the expectation of (or emotional attachment to) direct reciprocation, and you’ll reap many rewards.