One of my young colleagues recently met with another lawyer to review areas of “disagreement” on a draft contract. This young lawyer excused himself in exasperation to report to us in the adjoining room that the “opposing” lawyer refused to accept certain clauses in the contract. When we asked him, “So how do you intend to convince him to accept your perspective?” he answered, simply, “I will not budge.”
“Here we go again,” I thought, anticipating another transaction that seemed destined to give lawyers a bad name as deal killers or impeders. If your client wants to close yesterday, being adamant is definitely not in his interest.
How can attorneys improve their persuasion skills? Many tend to believe that one’s ability to marshal the facts and law “convincingly” is the main key to success. But the supposedly “soft skill” of influence building is just as important.
Prepare Yourself For The First Meeting
One critical, non-negotiable factor in every successful business transaction is the success with which we manage the human relations angle. Meetings are about people, and it is your duty to win their hearts. Being late to a meeting is the best way to get off to a bad start; it puts everyone waiting for you in a bad mood.
Things get worse when you mispronounce people’s names or fail to add the right prefixes, whether Sir or Dr. (in some parts of the world, titles are very significant). Referring to a Miss as Mrs. or vice versa can get you into trouble as well. Political correctness is also key. For example, if someone who runs a garbage collection business introduces himself as an “environmental technician,” do not say, “You mean you’re a garbage contractor.”
Depending on the venue of the meeting, offering drinks or other courtesies helps to set the right tone. Develop the good habit of researching the other party before your first meeting and using this knowledge to your advantage even before getting down to business. I once scored high points with an “adversary” when I told him I read on the Internet about his distinguished academic career and that I felt extremely privileged negotiating with such a superior mind. We hit it off immediately and the meeting went smoothly, perhaps because he had nothing to prove thereafter.
Finding areas of common ground is another way of building bridges in a pre-meeting chat. Mentioning alumni links or people you know in common helps set a positive mood. If you are working with someone from a gift-giving culture, present a little keepsake from your country soon after you arrive something light, inexpensive and easy to tuck into a briefcase.
Keep People Skills In Mind During The Meeting
Acquire the skill of crediting your opposition’s perspective before proceeding to give reasons for holding a contrary view. You should typically start with, “I see your point and understand where you are coming from.” Then, you can say, “However, I would like you to look at it from a different perspective and here are my reasons.” This is a more productive approach than simply saying or implying that what someone has said does not make sense. Be extremely polite through the entire process.
Making eye contact is another important skill. It shows sincerity and assures adversaries. If you are negotiating with a group, make eye contact with each member intermittently, but focus on the dominant character a bit longer. Sometimes, members of a team you are negotiating with claim to be equals, in which case you must quickly identify the first amongst equals by watching their collective body language to whom do people look constantly? and relying on your intuition. Good appellate litigators will tell you that you should speak to all the learned justices, but make eye contact with the one who really needs to be convinced the dominant judge whom the others tend to follow.
Pick Your Battles Carefully
Political figures tell us that only some battles are worth fighting. To determine which issues on the agenda are most important to you, categorize them as critical, non-critical (ones you can concede) and amendable (ones you can change).
Then, begin with the issues you can easily concede. This helps to build up comfort levels and makes you look less of a gremlin when it’s time to insist on other issues. Be careful to voice your concessions by acknowledging the good reasons offered by the other party but guard against becoming gratuitous or patronizing. People like to feel that they paid their way, particularly if the other party is represented by a lawyer. After this, discuss amendable issues. When you ask the other party, “What will you be comfortable with?” you are not only trying to understand their issues but also showing concern. In addition, it opens the door to solutions. Chances are that by the time you reach the critical agenda items, you have built up sufficient reserves of good will and influence to help you find solutions.
Listen, Listen, Listen
Have you ever been at a meeting during which Mr. X painstakingly explains a position and Ms. Y, across the table, promptly disagrees and proceeds to state her own case, only to realize that Ms. Y is simply paraphrasing what Mr. X said? How can this be? Simple: Ms. Y was not listening when Mr. X was speaking. Many lawyers are guilty of this.
A good listener not only seeks to understand but goes a step further, summarizing the points made by the other side in a bid to narrow down the issues. You can start such a summary statement by saying, “My understanding of what you have said is…”
Listening is an easy way to gain influence at a meeting because people naturally gravitate to those who listen to them with rapt attention. A good listener also picks up “background music” information that is not directly relevant, but reflects the thinking pattern of the speaker. This information invariably affects decision-making.
Listening can also be conveyed through body language: maintaining constant eye contact, and affirmatively nodding and smiling help our cause. Fidgeting, sending text messages or answering your phone to say, “I am in a meeting,” do not help.
Putting these skills to use will help combat the negative impressions of lawyers many people harbour. It may even put an end to well-crafted anti-lawyer jokes!
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